"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." Proverbs 18:21
Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved words. I love a good pun, especially if it is intentional, and I practice alliteration like it's a hobby. I come from a long line of word-lovers--a lot of teachers who love to read and write and talk--and my love of words and language absolutely led me to becoming a speech-language pathologist. Helping others speak and communicate effectively and using words in a way to try to encourage others and build them up have always brought me joy.
If you know me well, you also know that I have a list of words that I absolutely cannot stand, with "moist" being the greatest offender. I sit here and struggle to even type the word. I thought I was pretty silly for feeling that way about certain words (I'm also talking about you "trickle," "crevice," "ointment," "sustenance"), until I learned that around 20% of the population that was studied hates the word "moist" (hallelujah, I'm not alone). Several of my family members and friends love to playfully tease me by sending me texts with my least-liked (that's a nice way of putting it) words used all together in paragraph form, and they love to see me physically squirm and cringe as I read them.
But despite my obvious dislike of certain words, my love for words is greater, and I was not at all surprised to learn that my love language is "words of affirmation." In looking back, I have realized that words have always been significant in my life, and they have been powerful. I still remember the words of adults in my childhood that cultivated my love for Jesus. I still remember the words of the friend that convinced me to become an SLP. I still remember the words of women who helped send my life in positive directions because of their encouragement and guidance.
But in realizing the power of words in my life, I have realized that Satan has used my greatest love language also as the greatest weapon against me: words meant to discourage, hurt, wound, or even destroy me. I still remember words that wounded me worse than sticks ever could. I still remember words that crushed my spirit and made me doubt God's plans for me. I've realized that Satan has this powerful way of taking the very thing that is good, brings joy, or builds us up, and he distorts it to become something that is bad, brings harm, or tears us down. And Satan has allowed people to use words in this way and has successfully allowed me to become discouraged by them over and over again in the past.
But the beauty of realizing this struggle at this phase in my life is twofold. First, I am now prepared that Satan is going to use words against me because he knows that they matter to me so much. I can now better prepare and be ready with God's armor when I know I am going to have certain interactions, or, when harmful words are said to me or about me, I can immediately realize it is the enemy at work. And second, I now realize even more just how important it is not to use words as weapons toward other people. This is something I will always be working on--always tasting my own words and seasoning them with salt (Colossians 4:6)--but I can better use my words intentionally and purposefully to go against the sneaky, hurtful, and harmful efforts of the devil.
Some of my writing assignments over the past few years have been to write short devotional thoughts using 350 words or less. These writing assignments always cause me to think deeply about how I am going to convey and communicate what I really want to say with only 350 words, and this exercise has caused me to really think about how I communicate verbally in person. And the main question that I have started asking myself in my little analysis of words is this:
If every time that I interacted with someone I could only use 350 words or less, how would I spend those words?
I have started to ask myself this question as I approach different conversations and different interactions in my day-to-day life. If I only had 350 words with another person today: Would I want to spend the words gossiping about other people?
Would I want to make someone feel insecure or plant seeds of doubt in his or her mind?
Would I want to pick at or on someone and call it a joke?
Would I want to serve someone a backhanded compliment?
Would I want to complain or find fault with the person or discourage them in some way?
OR:
Would I want to find a specific way to encourage and build the person up?
Would I want to find positive things to say about others?
Would I want to specifically point out something I could praise and support?
Would I want to tell the person just how much he or she meant to me?
Would I want to make sure I communicate what I need to effectively?
If I only had 350 words.
Or less.
Will I leave the conversation with things that I wish that I had said?
At the end of this past year, we lost a really precious man at our church named Mr. Kevin, at 87 years young, who was one of the most encouraging people that I have ever known. There were many, many times that he could have said something negative or discouraging to me about my boys' behavior at worship, and yet, he only ever found something kind or affirming to say (even when they ran past him or climbed behind him on the pew). I never saw any expression on his face other than a smile, and everyone just felt better as soon as they saw him walk through the auditorium door.
On the Sunday night before he passed away, I talked to him briefly and just said the usual things: that we were so glad to see him and hoped that he would have a good week. But had I known that it was about to be our last conversation, man, I would have said so much more. I would have told him just how much he had encouraged me on Sunday nights, just how much I loved to hear him sing, just how much I treasured every comment he made in Bible class, just how much he improved my life by just being in it. The Sunday after he passed away, I couldn't believe how much I missed him--what a difference he was making in my life. And I sure wish I had told him.
Life, my friends, is too short, too precious, too fragile, too important to be wasting our words with discouragement, meanness, harshness, gossip, bluntness, shade, slander, or evil. We need to be using every word, every breath, every opportunity to build each other up. We don't have time--or words--to waste. We need to drop our egos, our agendas, our insecurities, and our vulnerabilities and boldly love each other and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1), and there is no competition for those who are in Christ either. We are all on the same team seeking the same goal, and it has never been more important to help each other get there.
It's time to boldly, and maybe even awkwardly, tell each other how much we love each other. Tell someone how good she looks wearing that color. Tell someone just how good she is at her job. Tell someone the difference she is making in her family or her church or her community. Tell someone what a light she brings when she enters the room. Tell someone how proud we are of her for making a hard decision. Tell someone just how necessary she is right where she is for the time and purpose that God has given her.
Because life is hard enough without making it harder for each other. If a sister's in the way, we will stop and pick her up, and we absolutely won't be the reason that she got knocked down. We must be a refuge and a safe space for each other not only physically but also emotionally. There is no space for hate or superiority or competition or rudeness or harm because we are all striving for heaven together, and it is time that we intentionally and effectively and specifically use our words for what they were given by God to do: encourage and edify and equip each other for what God has made each of us to do.
Even if we have only 350 words.
Especially if we have only 350 words.
Or less.
There is no more time or space or energy for wasted words.
Do you also want to be intentional about using your words for encouragement? Let me share some truth with you right now to encourage you today:
"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29
"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness." Ephesians 6:1
"But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today.'" Hebrews 3:13
"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." James 1:19-20
So Much Love,
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