
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved setting goals and striving to achieve them. I've been creating to-do lists since I learned how to write, and to this day, I add tasks to my list that I have already completed just so that I can enjoy the satisfaction of checking them off. I have made some silly goals in the past, like going an entire year during high school without eating even a bite of chocolate (I did it and don't know what I was thinking), and I have made some serious goals in the past, like wanting to write books. But whether silly or serious, I have discovered that the need to achieve and to set and meet goals starts to become addicting. What else could I achieve? What more could I do? How else could I strive?
Then along with the need to achieve was born the need for approval--the need to make others feel happy or proud or to support what I was deciding and doing. The need to prove myself and to prove the reasoning behind my decisions. The need to create smiles and pats on the back and thumbs up and words of affirmation. The need to show others my worthiness by earning their acceptance and approval.
But with the thrill of achievement and approval also came the risk of failure and disappointment. That I wouldn't measure up. That I wouldn't make others happy or proud. That I wouldn't be chosen. That I wouldn't be included. That I would be "different." That I wouldn't be "enough."
And then came social media--a window for others to see however much we are willing to share. And with social media came likes or loves or anger or sadness--a running measure of approval. And whether I wanted to or not, I measured the worthiness of my content by how many likes or loves it received. I displayed my life for others to see and to determine whether what I was doing was "enough" in a way that either excited my brain into doing it even more or made me wonder if I was even doing it "right," whatever right means.
After some self-reflection at the end of 2024, I realized that social media, for me, had become a platform in which I was hoping to prove my worth--my "enoughness." That I was doing enough as a mom. That my homeschool was legit. That I was well-rounded. And that my kids were well-rounded. That I was checking all of the boxes and all of the lists. That my relationships with the Lord and the significant others in my life were solid. That in all of the different areas of my life, I was doing "enough," whatever enough means. And that is when God opened my eyes to three truths that have totally transformed my life over the past several months, and I share them with you today as someone who struggles with these things (and needs reminding) in the hope that these truths will help all of us realize our worth and ultimately how it is determined.
"Enough" doesn't actually exist because it is defined differently by every person. Have you ever thought about how subjective the word "enough" is? What is enough for me might not be enough for someone else but might be way too much for another. As a child, riding one rollercoaster was more than enough for me, but my brother could ride 20 and never ride "enough." I ate a clam in high school, and it is the only clam I hope to ever eat in my entire life. And yet, I met a man in New York who could never eat "enough" clams. I personally could never read "enough" books, and yet, there are people who don't enjoy reading. I could never drink "enough" chai tea lattes, and yet, there are people who don't enjoy tea. There are many things that I could never get "enough" of that another person would never even want or desire. And I have realized that "enough" is only defined by our perceptions and differs from person to person.
This becomes even more serious at a spiritual level. 1 Corinthians 15:58 tells us to "abound in the work of the Lord." I might do good works for the Lord, and someone else might determine that I am not doing "enough." I might do good works for the Lord, and another person might determine that I am doing "way too much." My works then become defined by other people's perception and can technically be both "not enough" and "way too much" at the same time if I allow others' perceptions to be the definitions. But God never asked me to "keep up" or to "measure up." He just simply asked me to "abound in good works," and He is the only One who will ultimately decide their measure.
Even more than that, my salvation is not determined by whether I can do or be "enough." So often, I live my life in order to become saved instead of realizing that I have already been saved. So often, I live my life in order to prove my worth instead of realizing that my worth has already been proven. And that I didn't have to prove it. That I couldn't prove it. That the price has already been paid. That I have already been chosen. That nothing I do or become can ever measure up or compare to the sacrifice that was made on my behalf. That "enough" has already been done.
When I use "enough" to measure my worth, I will always come up short. I have realized that when I seek to please other people instead of seeking to please God that I will always be disappointed and disappointing. There will always be someone who doesn't approve of something that I am doing. There will always be someone talking about me or about what I am doing in a negative way. There will always be someone who is treating me like I am not doing "enough" or like I am doing "way too much." And I will not likely convince someone who has chosen to believe the worst about me to believe otherwise.
What I realized this year is that for 36 years, I had let others' approval of me have power over me. When I posted on social media with the desire to be "liked" or approved or accepted, I was ultimately giving other people the power to determine whether what I was doing was "enough." By desiring to please other people so much, I realized that I was making many decisions with the hope of making the most people happy--the decision that would make it seem like I was doing "enough." If someone thought I wasn't doing enough, I would up my effort. If someone thought that I was doing too much, I would back off or back out. If someone was talking about me behind my back or saying negative or false things about what I was doing, I would seek to please that person in an effort to make him or her happy or to get it to stop. And then it hit me: even when I personally felt like I was doing "enough" or even more than "enough," the other person might not believe that I was. Even when I thought I was pleasing someone else or gaining his or her approval, my efforts still might not be "enough" to gain it. And I realized that in a few cases, I would never be able to ever do "enough" to meet certain expectations.
I have learned through various trials that critical people will always find fault with us. Controlling people will always seek to control us or to control what other people think about us, and we will never be able to get ahead of it. And controllers can use our need for approval in order to further manipulate us--hoping that we will care enough about what they think or say about us to do what they want. We will never be able to please everyone or to make everyone happy or to convince everyone that we are doing "enough." But one of the most wonderful and liberating truths is that we absolutely don't have to.
By surrendering my own need for approval and realizing that I am going to be both "not enough" and "way too much" depending on who is asked, I have set myself free to just fully love God and do what I believe He is desiring me to do without needing to make other people comfortable or happy. This realization initially made the people-pleasing part of me deeply uncomfortable but now absolutely liberated. I've realized that loving others does not mean making sure that they agree with me or support me or are happy with or for me. And I have realized that the approval of God is the only approval that ultimately matters--nobody else determined or paid for my salvation--and it's "enough."
I will never be enough, and I don't have to be. Have you ever thought about the fact that God doesn't expect us to be or to do "enough?" He simply expects us to believe in Him, die to ourselves through baptism, and follow His commands (Mark 16:16). He simply expects us to love Him with everything that we have and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). He simply expects us to seek His kingdom and His righteousness first, and He will add on everything else (Matthew 6:33). He simply expects us to love Him and to trust in Him with all of our hearts, and He will make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). And it doesn't mean that everything will be easy or even good but that He will work all things for our good if we love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
But while it is meant to be very simple, it ends up feeling not so simple at all. We allow comparison and the expectations and opinions of others and the definitions of our society to creep in and make things very complicated. One of the hardest things that I realized this year was that in questioning my own "enoughness," I wasn't really doubting myself, I was doubting God. Deep down, I wasn't actually questioning whether I could do it, I was actually questioning whether He could do it through me. Because I was never meant to be "enough" on my own. The point was never to prove myself.
You see, the power has never been in me, and it's not meant to be. I am not meant to do all things by myself; I am meant to do them through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). I am not meant to become completely sinless; I am meant to understand that He who was completely sinless became my sin so that I could become His righteousness (1 Corinthians 5:21). I am not meant to lean on my own understanding; I am meant to trust in the Lord with all of my heart (Proverbs 3:5-6). I am not meant to boast in myself; I am meant to boast in what the Lord has done in me and how He rescued me (2 Corinthians 11:30). I am not meant for the light to shine on me; I am meant for the light to shine through me (Matthew 5:16).
I am not "enough" to be the Savior of the world, but I am "enough" that the Savior of the world chose to die for me. He chose ME--in my brokenness, in my lostness, in my absolutely-not-enoughness--to die for, and He chose YOU, too! When we were our worst selves, while we were still in the thick of our sin, while we were still helpless and lost, He chose to be enough for us. And that enoughness is all that we will ever need.
We don't have to be enough. We just have to trust the One who is.
Do you struggle with being "enough," too? Let me share some truth with you right now to encourage you today:
"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." Colossians 3:12
"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." Colossians 3:23
So Much Love,

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